THE TIME I WAS “ALMOST” INVITED TO JOIN THE WU-TANG CLAN

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Inspectah Deck of the Wu-Tang Clan at the Broadberry – all photo by Cheats

The story that you are about to read is fake. I made the whole thing up. Well 90% of the story is fake but the photos are real. #WESEEIT

It was all good just a week ago, or so I thought. I was at The Cheats Movement Headquarters, AKA my home office, working on the first ever run of Cheats Movement T-shirts & hoodies and the 2014 RVA HOT SAUCE mixtape (both coming in December), when I got an email from a guy who said that he represented the official Wu-Tang brand and was coming to Richmond for the Inspectah Deck show last Friday at The Broadberry. The man, who we will just call Papa Wu, said in the email that Wu-Tang was looking for some new social media people to help promote the Deck show and join their growing social media team.

Now, I know what you’re thinking – I was thinking the same thing, I don’t have the time or financial resources to end my job and join the mighty Wu-Tang Army. I’m not one of these new hip hop blogger that doesn’t have bills and responsibility. I have a job, wife, and a baby boy on the way (Cameron Wesley); this was not a plausible job offer for me or my family.

I politely responded to Papa Wu’s email and let him know that I will be to taking photos at the show on Friday but can’t sign on to do any further events. It’s just not reasonable for me at this time.  Then I got a call that I never thought I would get. My cell phone rang a few hours later and I answered,

“This is Cheats,” I said, trying not to wake my very pregnant wife.

“Yo…this Cheats?”  A very familiar voice said loudly. The voice was familiar but I couldn’t place it right away.

“Bong Bong, This Bobby Digital.”

“What? Who?” I said.

“The Ruler, Zig-Zag-Zig Allah.” The voice said shouted.

“Rza?” I said confused and a bit weak – I might add.

“Yeah man. I heard you’re the newest member of the team. Salutations”

“What, Yo…stop playing on my phone. I’m really working here. Who is this?” I said, a bit irritated.

“Ain’t nobody playing with you. Papa Wu told me that you are the newest member of the team. I don’t have time to mess with you, my time is valuable and I’m calling for a reason. Now are you the guy Papa Wu was telling me about? If so, I need like 12 of those thangs and I need them here by Friday, just give them to Deck. Welcome to the squad my man buy don’t play with me.”

He then hung up. There was no explanation. No further instructions, No information on what the hell were “those thangs.” How did RZA got my number? There was NOTHING! And I had nothing to go on but a demand to “get those thangs” and get them by Friday for the Inspectah Deck concert. I was truly lost. I had no idea on what to do and only one place to turn. I emailed Papa Wu’s address and asked him did he give RZA my number. He responded, Cheats, I’m a road manager, not a CIA agent. I don’t have your phone number, nor did I give it to RZA. But don’t sweat it, RZA gets confused a lot. I’ll let him know you turned down our offer to join the Clan.

After that email I really started to think, Would I really be a full-fledged member of the Wu? Could I really turn that offer down? I mean really? Hell, does RZA really call everyone and just shout out demands ? I mean, did he call ODB and ask Dirty for “those thangs?” The architect of the Wu-Tang Clan called my cell phone…he welcomed me to the team. Could I really just pass on that without a thought? My head instantly floated to traveling with Meth, chess games with GZA, and hanging in Shaolin with Ghost and Rae. I was honestly warming up to the idea of being a member of Wu-Tang Clan. All I had to do is get those “thangs” and get them by Friday for the Deck show, I guess. No problem.

Well, Friday came and I was at The Blackberry. Noah-O tore down the stage, Yankee. tore down the stage, Black Liquid lit the stage on fire and then he tore down the stage, and Inpectah Deck performed classic Wu hit back to back to back. It was an amazing show, one of the best of the year. The crowd was mature and diverse crowd, a true hip hop crowd. There was only one man traveling with Deck. I walked up to him and asked, “Are you Papa Wu?” He looked at me stunned (and probably a bit high), and said, “Papa Wu, hell no. Lucas, get this guy away from me.”

And that was it…the end. The time I almost became a member of the Wu-Tang Clan (sort of).

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Deck and not Papa Wu performing live at The Broadberry in Richmond, VA

IMG_9541Black Liquid doesn’t need a stage! He already tore it down.

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WOFTD

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Noah-O performing at The Broadberry

IMG_9514Bobby Fresh got joints  #WESEEIT

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Divine Profitz #WESEEIT

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These guys #WESEEIT

IMG_9487Yankee #WESEEIT

TheCheatsMovement@gmail.com

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